Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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