Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
