it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
