i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
