they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
