Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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