I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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