will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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