So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
