using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
