im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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