First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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