i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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