I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
