I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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