mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
