you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
