You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
