I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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