Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
