Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
