So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
