He uses pillows to masturbate.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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