im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
