You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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