i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize