did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Holy shit dude........stairs
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