he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
