I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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