So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
