batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
