Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
