I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
