Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
