Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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