The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
