i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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