Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have grass duct taped all over my body
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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