Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
