i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
