I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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