You really coming over, don't trick.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
