she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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