im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
