I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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