he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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