Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize