She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
