just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize