The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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