my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
