do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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