Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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