well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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