D3 body, D1 cock
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
