Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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