Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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