Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
