Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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