what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
