FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
