Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
PANTIES FOUND
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