Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
