Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
