God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
