Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
