how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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