Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
