They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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